although i'm not a christian, listening to more scripture reading and prayer somehow lightens me up. i mean, the way they say it, especially during their prayers, make me so thankful that i am able to live my life each day.
today we talked about determination. something i realli need now. perserverance also. i'm in the phrase of my life that everything is happening so fast and life is just crazie. i dun even have the time to think properly sometimes. my mind is full of work work work. i dun even have the time to breathe freely anymore.
yes, jc is realli being to be the time of my life.literally. i'm trapped with many many tutorials and proposals that i'm so afraid i wudnt be able to cope with anymore. like tutorials are not enuf, there's millions of make up lessons, CCA, PROJECT WORK and the latest one COLLEGE DAY. i noe i realli shudnt be comparing my work load to those who have realli tough sports cca but hey, my cca isnt that relaxed either. i have to come up with some malay worksheets that always get slammed into my face LITERALLY (ask lia what shitty treatment i receive). MALAY? are u kidding me? and it doesnt help that my senior is kinda rude. always treating me like a piece of shit. not even helping at all. all he does is to throw the worksheets back at my face and say its rubbish. do u noe how shitty that feels? its like, i put in so much effort, and all u say is "this is nonsense". and please dun give me the crap that u're suppose to go hard on us anymore. i realli dread CCA's cuz of that. mf MALAY! just has to ruin my life!

i mean, the tired u feel when u do something u enjoy is totally different from the tired that u feel when u do something u dun enjoy. its more like a burden. and everyday i wake up with these burdens on my shoulders. i was so freaking happie that i cud actually just go home today and do my math tutorial but how wrong i was. i was forced to go to some college day meeting/briefing after school and they gave us this budget thing to do. and i dun even have the fucking paper. how the hell am i suppose to submit it tmr? oh yes, i have to go find how to get my products too. cheese sause and hotdog buns. where the hell am i gonna get those BY TOMORROW? i bet i have to do that ALONE. i wasnt even told la plz. i realli feel like i'm being used rite now but its so sad becuz in school, i have to keep smiling no matter how i dread doing something.

IMMA, COME ON. YOU CAN DO THIS. DETERMINATION. PERSERVERANCE.

i forgot how lurrve feels like. sorrie.

♥ 4:38 AM